Something amazing happened on Sabbath, July 17, 2010. After almost ten years of seeking fellowship, I finally gathered on Sabbath with like-minded believers! I am still basking in the glow of that Grace-filled encounter.
This searching for the “swan pond” started in March 2001 when I renewed my commitment to keeping the commandments of God. I had been out of fellowship with the LORD for a time, not backslidden, but lukewarm, having been out of the antinomian churches for almost a decade and trying to maintain my faith virtually on my own. Pat and I tried to stick to a home church format at first, but with just the two of us, we became lax. Occasionally we would have friends over, but there never seemed to be a cohesiveness or like-mindedness. I was the proverbial ugly duckling, never finding a fit in all the churches we tried. We published the Moss Patch Newsletter until about 1998 and that gave us a venue to share with the scattered brethren who somewhat held our views, but the fervent embers seemed to fade with time and lack of fellowship.
By this time, Pat and I were on the road as independent contractors delivering trucks and motorhomes nationwide. It was quite a fun adventure for awhile, and we traversed and crisscrossed just about every state including a trek to Alaska......but it became too rushed, stressful, and exhausting. The ribbon of highway became a blur of bleary-eyed fatigue. Sometimes Sabbath convictions had to be compromised. I needed to get off the road after seven years of it. Pat continued for several more years, while I worked at home doing order entry for our son’s transport business.
In the Fall of 2000 I conducted an Internet search using the keyword “Sabbath” and came up with the Bible Sabbath Association. I figured anyone likeminded would also be a Sabbatarian and that would be a start for seeking fellowship. I subscribed to the Sabbath Sentinel, and from perusal of that magazine discovered there was such a thing as the Messianic movement and mindset. I discovered Daniel Botkin and Gates of Eden and read his publications, dialoguing with him via email on occasion. This led to discovering other Messianic ministries, including FFOZ. I ordered a packet of materials from that organization, learned about Torah Club, and was very excited about joining. I showed my son, who lived next door at the time, and asked him to lead the study, but his impression was that it was “too foreign.” He was not interested. Thus, in September 2001, Pat and I started Volume 1 of Torah Club on our own and completed Children’s Torah Club with the grandchildren. We went through volumes 2, 3, 4, and 5 in subsequent years. I was excited about all this Jewish/Hebraic learning. Pat was somewhat lukewarm about it but participated ....until he heard something doctrinally disturbing on an audio lesson in Volume 4 and was not satisfied with the sluggish response in addressing and correcting it. This, along with an increasingly rabbinic focus in Volume 5, which we dubbed the “ding the bell series,” caused him to jump off the Messianic bandwagon. Dave had been right.....it was “too foreign.” We were not interested in going this far with what we considered a rigid rabbinic mindset. It was interesting and insightful to learn of it, but we did not wish to embrace so stringent a level of observance as we perceived to be practiced by the leadership of this organization. We did not wish to follow in these footsteps. We wanted role models we could follow in practical terms.
In 2006, I discovered Tim Hegg and Torah Resource and signed up for a very relevant class in light of then current controversies. This led to joining Torah Resource forum. This was a most satisfying time for me as TR forum members interacted with one another and discussed the swirling controversies and made lasting friendships. One friendship in particular became almost a lifeline and brightened my lonely days. While I did not have in-person fellowship with the likeminded, at least I had “virtual fellowship” via forums, blogs, and email. But the ongoing controversies became divisive......and some could not handle the lack of unity between the major Messianic players. These were our esteemed leaders and they did not agree among themselves. Newbies became confused and upset. Some fell away, their faith shattered and shipwrecked. Some converted to Orthodox Judaism, or became Noachides. Others weathered the storms, but not without damaged emotions and confused theologies.
I was among the surviving but not thriving. I was looking for sound doctrine, wisdom, and spiritual guidance yet only able to glean nuggets here and there and move in and out of online relationships with various people of varying perspectives. I needed real live fellowship but where was I to go? Should I drive two hours by myself to meet with strangers (small home groups who maybe had a few things in common with my views)? That seemed scary. Should I attend a Messianic synagogue in Indianapolis? The website did not make me feel especially welcome as a non-Jew. Some said driving a car on Sabbath was prohibited (do not kindle a fire on the Sabbath day – Ex. 35:3) and two hours was too far regardless. I searched online for closer fellowships over the years but they seemed to disband soon after being formed, or there were other reasons for my reluctance to attend new startups. I resigned myself to online fellowship.......but even that was unstable with forums closing down, experiencing the sting and rejection of being banned at other forums, etc. Messianic friends and acquaintances continued to commit apostacide, disappoint and disillusion, or go down paths I did not wish to follow.
Eventually I was persuaded to join Facebook. Who would guess that I would meet a zealous Messianic couple with Torah convictions who many years ago were in my son’s church youth group and were inspired by him! Larry went on to study theology and counseling at Grace Theological Seminary and became a pastor. We got acquainted on Facebook through my daughter-in-law and discovered we knew some of the same people and shared similar convictions and experiences. Best of all, Barb and Larry were moving within an hour’s drive of me!
By this time, though, something held me back from meeting people in person. I had become homebound, reclusive, and non-social because of the years of isolation. I hardly left home and experienced crowd anxiety when I did. I preferred to be alone because I had grown accustomed to it. Besides, I had a virtual social life online where my friends could not see my cluttered, neglected home and self. How had I degenerated so? I was chronically fatigued with mystery ailments. It was a vicious cycle of not being able to socialize because of fatigue, anxiety, mystery ailments, nutritional/hormonal imbalances, lack of confidence, fear, whatever. What was wrong with me? I prayed about it, tried various supplements, went for long walks, exercised, but only experienced slight improvement of symptoms. Nothing was really wrong with me......except that I was dysfunctional......for whatever reasons that I could not fully fathom. I had good days and bad days. I resigned myself to believing that God wanted me isolated so I could be a prayer warrior, dialogue online, and write....although even my blog was neglected.
As I became better acquainted with Larry and Barb on Facebook, I began to feel comfortable about meeting them, especially since they offered to come to Culver and walk with me. They would meet me at my current comfort level. On the 6th of April we met for a wonderful walk and talk. I liked them both very much. I met them for other walks at Winona Lake and was very impressed with their delightful, home-schooled children. Finally, I was ready to meet them for a gathering at their home. They had invited people to come and get acquainted, possibly forming a Sabbath fellowship together. A series of circumstances had led to the desire to form this alignment with Church of God (Seventh Day) members who were also looking for a local Sabbath congregation. On July 17, COG-7 elders came from Colorado and Michigan along with potential members of this new fellowship to the Rice home near Syracuse, and I was there!!! And I felt comfortable! I felt as if I belonged with this group of people. The children were all sweet and well-behaved. These were strong families and godly, zealous individuals who shared many of my convictions. Had this misfit “swan” finally found the right pond? I was especially impressed with Calvin Burrell. I had known of him through my Sabbath Sentinel and Bible Advocate magazine subscriptions. I have a feeling we have much in common (including walking/hiking) and I would like to dialogue with him further. Calvin’s daughter and family had moved to this area, along with another COG-7 family, and were looking for fellowship. Two lovely ladies from Fort Wayne also attended. Friends of Larry and Barb attended; some I knew from Facebook. Odd how familiar “strangers” can be, having gotten to know them somewhat on Facebook. They did not seem like strangers at all. Facebook has its drawbacks and hazards, but overall I think of it as a very useful communications tool and socialization facilitator.
Long story short.......this is getting far too long and detailed......I am very excited about the potential of this budding Sabbath fellowship. I see the hand of the LORD in it in bringing us together. We call it “The Gathering Place” for now, and we are working out the details of home meetings, Scripture/Torah readings, discussion forum, etc. Our first formal gathering is scheduled for August 7 from 4-8 pm. I plan to be there. And maybe Pat will eventually join us......and Dave and family. I can hope.
I continue to be amazed at the work the LORD has done in me of late in answer to fervent, desperate prayer. I DO need socialization and fellowship.......we all do........and I am very thankful to Rick Spurlock and his Bereans Online class (Tradition) where I learned the concept of “commandment precedence” and came to the conclusion that the command to assemble for a “holy convocation” takes precedence over stringencies such as not driving on Shabbat. All indicators seemed to be a “go” for attending this Sabbath fellowship on July 17 (including my husband’s blessing). My Durango became a rolling sanctuary as I listened to Marty Goetz’ “Hope of Glory” on the leisurely one hour drive (with a full tank of gas purchased on the Preparation day). Even a towering white “Glory cloud” appeared in the blue sky to lead me on my Sabbath day’s journey. I embarked just after 3 pm and arrived home about 11, not the least bit tired. That was another miracle.
More about the vitality regimen the LORD revealed to me in another post.
Life in YESHUA is good......and getting better!
