Overcoming Aversion

To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the Tree of Life which is in the midst of the Paradise of God. (Revelation 2:7)

It has been many months since I have updated this blog. I seem to have developed an aversion to blogging/writing and I don't know why. I used to love to write and journal my experiences, thoughts, and ponderings. What happened?

Today at breakfast I thought about using almond milk for my cereal but suddenly had a strong aversion to opening up the new container, even though I like almond milk. It occurred to me that this feeling of "aversion" happens quite often in various contexts, such as when I plan to do some housework, or go somewhere, or do something I normally enjoy such as working with my horses. The "aversion syndrome" usually prevents me from doing what I should be doing. I hate the "dread" feeling I get, but then I often feel like I cheated myself out of a blessing and I feel defeated. It occurred to me that maybe this was satanic interference and that I should overcome it. Yeshua's words came to mind about the importance of being an overcomer. So I got real brave and opened the carton of almond milk and poured it on my cereal. Ha, it wasn't that hard after all. I enjoyed my breakfast and jotted down some notes in my notebook about other aversions in my life and how I needed to overcome them. If I could pour the almond milk, could I blog?

It is a quiet Sabbath at home. Pat went fishing/canoeing with friends and I have the house to myself for a welcome change. No TV blaring, no distractions, a perfect opportunity to write. Only problem is I have no idea what to write about. I don't seem to have any passion or enthusiasm these days, for anything, or anyone. I'm not depressed, but maybe a bit bored with my life. Everything is going fine. I have no complaints. Well, maybe one. I wish I had more energy/vitality. I am grateful that I can get through my 40 hour workweek, enjoy running, walking, paddleboarding, hiking, socializing, etc. Yet most days I run out of steam by 3 or 4 pm and I'm in bed for the night at 6 pm totally exhausted. I wish I could get some things done after work, play with my horses, read a book, do some housework....but my eyes won't stay open and I find I cannot take another step. Is this normal for people my age? I realize I may have some internal issues going on, but I feel well other than the debilitating chronic fatigue. I have not taken so much as a tylenol in two years. I avoid toxicity, including foods that are toxic to me, stressful situations and people, and this has resulted in good health overall. I have a good energy level much of the day until "the crash" comes in the afternoon. When I'm done, I'm done. It happens less frequently than it used to, but it still hinders my productivity and pleasure.

I am training for an upcoming 5.5K trail race, Mash the Creek, at Potato Creek State Park on September 20 and am looking forward to this event. I hope I can run it in 40 minutes or less and not come in last. Running has become a lifeline for me, a mood enhancer. If I don't run, I get depressed and negative. I try to run at least a mile most days, or if it's too hot to run, I walk a few miles. I lead a Walk Class at work, touring the campus and environs. More often than not, though, nobody shows up. Many would like to do this, but few can find the time. The same with the other classes our Wellness Dept. offers at noon. At the next Wellness Committee meeting, I may bring up the need to address the time constraints on faculty/staff. One teacher liked my suggestion that we all get Friday afternoon off so we can play.

There is a Canoe Class on Fridays at noon that I wanted to do yesterday, but the wind picked up and the lake was too choppy. In May, Pat and I enjoyed a canoe outing on the Tippecanoe River with Dana and a group from Culver. I hope to do that again sometime with family and friends. I had not realized how beautiful the Tippecanoe River scenery is, and so close to home.

In April, May, and June I hiked at Turkey Run State Park. I finally conquered the challenging Trail 3 on my third attempt, along with Denise, Danielle, Austin, and Lexi. Afterwards we enjoyed kayaking/canoeing on Sugar Creek. A memorable time. Pat came with me in April and we paddled a canoe on a perfect day. I hiked alone that time, but couldn't make it up the slippery waterfall rocks. The first time, in April (or was it late March?), I stayed at the cabin by myself and hiked for two days. A mini vacation that I thoroughly enjoyed. There was still snow and ice on the treacherous trails and I found myself scared to death on an icy ledge. Quite an adventure for me.

I also enjoy hiking and running at Potato Creek State Park. Pat came once and we rented kayaks. I enjoy hiking alone most of the time, but it was nice to hike with Denise there last winter. We also hiked at Tippecanoe River State Park. We ran a race together in Culver last November as well. Good times. I wish I had blogged these experiences.

I haven't done much paddleboarding this summer. Dave seems to have lost interest, though we had a couple of short outings together. Denise, Austin, Lexi, and Danielle got to try it in June. Denise and I watched the Lake Max Challenge together. I enjoyed a nice paddle to the town beach and back the other day under near perfect conditions now that the summer boat traffic is gone and the water is calm and clear more often. There were not many days of calm water this summer.

Austin and Kyle are both college students this Fall, Austin at Purdue and Kyle at Vincennes. Where has the time gone?

The Gaza War this summer put the final nail in the coffin of my on again/off again friendship with Peter. Israel's enemies cannot be my friends.

The world situation is very perilous. ISIS is beheading journalists. Islamic wars, atrocities, and terrorism are everywhere it seems. An Islamic Caliphate might be the End Time Beast Kingdom prophesied in Scripture.

I am somewhat adrift spiritually these days, not knowing where to fellowship, even online. Not sure what is going on. I do like Rabbi Jonathan Sacks. I also listen to Chaim Richman (Temple Talk) and Tamar Yonah (Israel National Radio).

I just got an Ipad Mini Retina. I hope to find some new avenues of information/learning/music with the App Store and Kindle reading app. I don't enjoy facebook anymore. I really want to learn Hebrew. I like listening to Hebrew music (Yaakov Shweckey, Yonatan Razel, Mordecai ben David, Baruch Levine).

I hope to get to Potato Creek State Park for a run and hike and to watch the sunset over the lake this evening. The weather is cool for a change. It would be a nice way to end this Shabbat. If only I can overcome the aversion/fatigue that I suspect will attempt to dissuade me. I must remember to recite the verses on the importance of being an overcomer!

Update: I managed to run a mile in my woods but I did not feel up to a trip to Potato Creek today. It was all I could do to overcome my aversion to doing anything. I think I may be fighting a virus or something. But I felt good about at least running a mile. It is amazing how so little does so much for me. And now I'm going to overcome my aversion to blogging, by publishing this poorly written piece. At least I tried.