Pat's Testimony

Coming Alive to Jesus
Reprinted from “The Fishin’ Pole” (March 1984)
A publication of English Lake Church

Before I found the Lord, I was an alcoholic, though I denied it even to myself. I squandered my paycheck on booze and spent much time in bars. Barely a day went by in the past several years that I wasn’t drunk. I also smoked marijuana and used amphetamines. I was verbally abusive to my family and my mouth was a sewer containing the foulest language you could imagine. I could not utter a single sentence without it being loaded with vulgar words. Most of the time I didn’t even realize I was doing it.

My wife, having had an experience with God about a year and a half prior to mine, tried to tell me about Jesus, but I wouldn’t listen. A couple of born-again Christians at work witnessed to me, not so much in word but by their lives. They had “something” that appealed to me, yet I continued blaspheming God and living a hell-bound lifestyle. Still, my wife and friends continued to pray for me and attempted to witness to me.

I drove home from work drunk one night and smashed into something at an intersection. I looked up and, behold, the sign said, “STOP!” When I got home my wife pointed out the significance of the incident. The Lord was trying to tell me to stop what I was doing and turn around and follow Him. I thought she was crazy. Many other times I drove home drunk; only by the grace of God could I have made it home without killing myself or someone else. I had been arrested once for drunk driving. A year later I had that accident. Still I was not willing to change. I got worse instead of better. My wife continued to pray.

Somewhere along the line my conscience started bothering me. I tried to clean up my act and thought I could do it on my own. I had survived a very abusive childhood, juvenile homes and jails, etc., and had become very self-reliant as a result. I didn’t need my wife telling me how to live; I didn’t need this Jesus she talked about either. I had always solved my own problems and didn’t need anyone’s help. But rather than admit that I couldn’t solve these problems, it was easier to tell myself I didn’t have any. Yet it was getting harder and harder for me to say I was okay the way I was.

One Friday night last November [1983], I was again arrested for drunk driving. Under the new Indiana law, license suspension was mandatory. I knew this. As a truck driver, I also knew that if I lost my license, I’d lose my job. If I lost my job, I’d lose my house and everything else. Realizing all this, I STILL went out and bought beer as soon as I got out of jail. The following Monday I went to see a lawyer, came home, and again with good intentions to quit drinking I ended up sending my wife out to buy more beer. I tried to justify it, saying I would just drink at home and never again drink and drive. But after I finished six beers, the phone rang and I had a photography assignment to do for the local newspaper. I grabbed my keys and then it hit me. Here I was about to drink and drive again. Reluctantly, I let my wife drive.

That night I did not sleep a wink. I tossed and turned wondering what I was going to do. By the end of the night I had finally resigned myself to the fact that I had a problem that I couldn’t handle. I was in despair.

Tuesday morning, the 22nd, I left for work and was driving to Wisconsin. As I got on Interstate 94, I noticed a billboard that says “Jesus is Lord” and advertises a Christian radio station. I’d passed this sign every day but never really paid any attention to it before. I found myself tuning in the station and actually listening to those “nuts.” I began to question my own sanity since I didn’t change the channel. As I reached Elgin, Illinois, the station was too faint to hear, so I shut the radio off altogether. I began to think a prayer asking God to help me. “I can’t fix me. You fix me,” was how I put it. Not wanting to rule out any options, I even asked God that if it was necessary for me to believe in Jesus, then please help me do that too, because I couldn’t even do that on my own.

I got to Belvedere, Illinois where I met one of our drivers who was a born-again Christian. Coincidence? I knew something was happening to me but didn’t know what, so I was asking him questions over the CB radio. I asked him how a person knew if they were being born again. He said it was different with each person, but one could have a feeling in their stomach, one might experience great joy, or peace, or it might be just a tear rolling out. When he said “tear,” my eyes became filled with tears and I began bawling. He heard me crying on the CB and began bawling with me. Imagine two grown men driving tractor trailers down the road, crying like babies. I still didn’t know that I was being born of the Spirit and told him that it seemed like I was heading in that direction and I’d let him know if it ever happened. He told me to go home and ask my wife about the sinner’s prayer. We reached Wisconsin and parted company, and when I was alone I found myself tossing my speed pills out the window.

The first thing I did when I got home was burn all my pornographic magazines. I told my wife, “I think I’m heading in the direction you’ve been talking about. What is the sinner’s prayer?” She was so stunned she didn’t know what to say. She handed me a “Power for Living” book she had just got in the mail that day and just walked around praising the Lord. I opened the book at random and God spoke to me through it—“Do not worry...seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things (food, clothing, shelter) shall be added unto you” (Matt. 6:25-34). My first promise from the Lord! I couldn’t honestly pray the sinner’s prayer described in the book; it just wasn’t “me.” I thought, “Well, I’ve got a ways to go before I’m ‘born again.’ Or was I already born again?” My wife wasn’t sure either. She got out her Bible and flipped it open and these words just jumped out at her so she read them to me: “Fear not, [Pat] for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words” (Daniel 10:12). My spirit immediately witnessed with His Spirit in the pit of my stomach and the tears started rolling again. I was convinced I was “born again” regardless that it wasn’t according to a prescribed formula.

The next day I became aware that my vulgar language had vanished with no effort on my part. I was also completely delivered from alcoholism and have not even had a desire to drink since. The one thing I did crave was the Bible. I just couldn’t get enough of it. On Thanksgiving Day I spent five solid hours reading it. With court cases ahead of me, the prospect of losing my job, and not knowing how I was going to make ends meet, I had a peace that passes all understanding. What followed in the days and weeks ahead were nothing short of miracles as I gave the burden of my problems to the Lord and He solved them. The promises that He gave me in Matthew 6 came to pass in truly amazing ways.

Coming alive to Jesus has been a life-changing experience!

Patrick LaFaive
March 1984