Pat's Testimony

Coming Alive to Jesus
Reprinted from “The Fishin’ Pole” (March 1984)
A publication of English Lake Church

Before I found the Lord, I was an alcoholic, though I denied it even to myself. I squandered my paycheck on booze and spent much time in bars. Barely a day went by in the past several years that I wasn’t drunk. I also smoked marijuana and used amphetamines. I was verbally abusive to my family and my mouth was a sewer containing the foulest language you could imagine. I could not utter a single sentence without it being loaded with vulgar words. Most of the time I didn’t even realize I was doing it.

My wife, having had an experience with God about a year and a half prior to mine, tried to tell me about Jesus, but I wouldn’t listen. A couple of born-again Christians at work witnessed to me, not so much in word but by their lives. They had “something” that appealed to me, yet I continued blaspheming God and living a hell-bound lifestyle. Still, my wife and friends continued to pray for me and attempted to witness to me.

I drove home from work drunk one night and smashed into something at an intersection. I looked up and, behold, the sign said, “STOP!” When I got home my wife pointed out the significance of the incident. The Lord was trying to tell me to stop what I was doing and turn around and follow Him. I thought she was crazy. Many other times I drove home drunk; only by the grace of God could I have made it home without killing myself or someone else. I had been arrested once for drunk driving. A year later I had that accident. Still I was not willing to change. I got worse instead of better. My wife continued to pray.

Somewhere along the line my conscience started bothering me. I tried to clean up my act and thought I could do it on my own. I had survived a very abusive childhood, juvenile homes and jails, etc., and had become very self-reliant as a result. I didn’t need my wife telling me how to live; I didn’t need this Jesus she talked about either. I had always solved my own problems and didn’t need anyone’s help. But rather than admit that I couldn’t solve these problems, it was easier to tell myself I didn’t have any. Yet it was getting harder and harder for me to say I was okay the way I was.

One Friday night last November [1983], I was again arrested for drunk driving. Under the new Indiana law, license suspension was mandatory. I knew this. As a truck driver, I also knew that if I lost my license, I’d lose my job. If I lost my job, I’d lose my house and everything else. Realizing all this, I STILL went out and bought beer as soon as I got out of jail. The following Monday I went to see a lawyer, came home, and again with good intentions to quit drinking I ended up sending my wife out to buy more beer. I tried to justify it, saying I would just drink at home and never again drink and drive. But after I finished six beers, the phone rang and I had a photography assignment to do for the local newspaper. I grabbed my keys and then it hit me. Here I was about to drink and drive again. Reluctantly, I let my wife drive.

That night I did not sleep a wink. I tossed and turned wondering what I was going to do. By the end of the night I had finally resigned myself to the fact that I had a problem that I couldn’t handle. I was in despair.

Tuesday morning, the 22nd, I left for work and was driving to Wisconsin. As I got on Interstate 94, I noticed a billboard that says “Jesus is Lord” and advertises a Christian radio station. I’d passed this sign every day but never really paid any attention to it before. I found myself tuning in the station and actually listening to those “nuts.” I began to question my own sanity since I didn’t change the channel. As I reached Elgin, Illinois, the station was too faint to hear, so I shut the radio off altogether. I began to think a prayer asking God to help me. “I can’t fix me. You fix me,” was how I put it. Not wanting to rule out any options, I even asked God that if it was necessary for me to believe in Jesus, then please help me do that too, because I couldn’t even do that on my own.

I got to Belvedere, Illinois where I met one of our drivers who was a born-again Christian. Coincidence? I knew something was happening to me but didn’t know what, so I was asking him questions over the CB radio. I asked him how a person knew if they were being born again. He said it was different with each person, but one could have a feeling in their stomach, one might experience great joy, or peace, or it might be just a tear rolling out. When he said “tear,” my eyes became filled with tears and I began bawling. He heard me crying on the CB and began bawling with me. Imagine two grown men driving tractor trailers down the road, crying like babies. I still didn’t know that I was being born of the Spirit and told him that it seemed like I was heading in that direction and I’d let him know if it ever happened. He told me to go home and ask my wife about the sinner’s prayer. We reached Wisconsin and parted company, and when I was alone I found myself tossing my speed pills out the window.

The first thing I did when I got home was burn all my pornographic magazines. I told my wife, “I think I’m heading in the direction you’ve been talking about. What is the sinner’s prayer?” She was so stunned she didn’t know what to say. She handed me a “Power for Living” book she had just got in the mail that day and just walked around praising the Lord. I opened the book at random and God spoke to me through it—“Do not worry...seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things (food, clothing, shelter) shall be added unto you” (Matt. 6:25-34). My first promise from the Lord! I couldn’t honestly pray the sinner’s prayer described in the book; it just wasn’t “me.” I thought, “Well, I’ve got a ways to go before I’m ‘born again.’ Or was I already born again?” My wife wasn’t sure either. She got out her Bible and flipped it open and these words just jumped out at her so she read them to me: “Fear not, [Pat] for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words” (Daniel 10:12). My spirit immediately witnessed with His Spirit in the pit of my stomach and the tears started rolling again. I was convinced I was “born again” regardless that it wasn’t according to a prescribed formula.

The next day I became aware that my vulgar language had vanished with no effort on my part. I was also completely delivered from alcoholism and have not even had a desire to drink since. The one thing I did crave was the Bible. I just couldn’t get enough of it. On Thanksgiving Day I spent five solid hours reading it. With court cases ahead of me, the prospect of losing my job, and not knowing how I was going to make ends meet, I had a peace that passes all understanding. What followed in the days and weeks ahead were nothing short of miracles as I gave the burden of my problems to the Lord and He solved them. The promises that He gave me in Matthew 6 came to pass in truly amazing ways.

Coming alive to Jesus has been a life-changing experience!

Patrick LaFaive
March 1984

Listen

(Music by Yanni; lyrics by Renah)


Listen, I’ll tell you
Something you once knew
How halt you
Between two
Opinions of Me
When I set you free
From the power of sin
You cannot win
When you reject Torah for
Commandments of men.

Listen, I’ll tell you
Something you once knew
I gave Ten Commandments
The story is told
That they have grown old
Become obsolete
I will repeat
My Word endures for all time
With Wisdom sublime.

Chorus:

A double minded man
Is not the kind I can
Just open up My hand
And pour you out a blessing
Like Jacob you are wrestling
And now, behold, I’m testing you.

Repeat two stanzas

Repeat Chorus

So listen, I’ll tell you
Something you once knew...
Listen I’ll tell you
Something that you once knew
Listen, I’ll tell you
Something that you once knew.....
....Obey.....
****************************

Virginia Firebrand

He loves the smell of leaves in Fall
He loves Jesus most of all
With eyes ablaze, a voice that booms
He brings conviction to the room

He says we ought to go to prayer
He goes to Washington...Beware!
His daughters play the violin
He thunders loud, “Depart from sin!”

Urge for Going

I woke up today to find
A frost perched on the town
It hovered on a frozen sky
And gobbled summer down
And when the sun turned traitor cold
And naked trees are standing in a shivering row

I get the urge for going
But I never seem to go
Yes, I get the urge for going
When meadow grass is turning brown
And summertime is falling down
And winter closing in

I had a girl in summertime
With summer-colored skin
And not another man in town
My darling's heart could win
But when the leaves came trembling down
And bully winds did push their faces in the snow

She got the urge for going
And I had to let her go
Yes, she got the urge for going
When meadow grass was turning brown
And summertime was falling down
And winter closing in

The warriors of winter
Give a cold, triumphant shout
And all that stays is dying
All that lives is getting out
See the geese in chevron flight
Straining and a flapping on before the snow

They’ve got the urge for going
And they’ve got the wings to go
Yes, they get the urge for going
When meadow grass is turning brown
And summertime is falling down
And winter closing in

I'll ply the fire with kindling
Pull the blankets to my chin
I'll lock the vagrant winter out
And bolt my wandering in
I'd like to call back summertime
And have her stay for just another month or so

But she's got the urge for going
And I guess she'll have to go
Yes, she gets the urge for going
When meadow grass is turning brown
And all her empire is falling down
And winter closing in.

Joni Mitchell
Dave Von Ronk version

Blue Skies

Yesterday I took a walk at Culver Academies. What a gorgeous day! The sky was clear blue; not a cloud in the sky. Lake Maxinkuckee was shimmering in the sunshine; autumn foliage beginning to be brilliant. I visited the Huffington Library overlooking the lake. I plan to write from this “Inspiration Point.”

I also visited the horse barn. The indoor arena is undergoing renovation. Thomas, the black Friesian, greeted me at his stall door. He is my favorite, although there is a new Friesian named Zoolander just as beautiful. These horses are worth over $50,000 I have heard. They were donated. I am seeking the LORD about working with the horses at Culver part time. I am also considering donating my Haflingers. They would have a good home and I would enjoy seeing children ride them. Culver Academies consists of Culver Military Academy and Culver Girls’ Academy, college prep schools. My grandson, Austin, attended summer camp here and looks forward to attending next summer.

Pat and I and our two young children used to live just a mile from this place in 1977-78. I used to enjoy hearing the lap of the rippling current from my bedroom window at 802 Lake Shore Drive.

Blue Skies....reminds me of my dad’s sailboat. That was the name of his favorite sailboat. He used to race sailboats (Hustler and Indian class) at Squantum Yacht Club, Wollaston, Massachusetts. Blue was Dad’s favorite color. He often wore dark blue sweaters and light blue shirts. On summer evenings, we would sit outside at 1 North Central Avenue looking up at the blue sky. Dad taught me the names of the different types of clouds and I did a report on Clouds for a junior high class. I still enjoy blue skies and cloud formations.

Blue Skies....reminds me of this poem by Annie J. Flint (1919)...a favorite of mine:

What God Hath Promised

God hath not promised skies always blue,
Flower strewn pathways all our lives through;
God hath not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

God hath not promised we shall not know
Toil and temptation, trouble and woe;
He hath not told us we shall not bear
Many a burden, many a care.

God hath not promised smooth roads and wide,
Swift, easy travel, needing no guide;
Never a mountain rocky and steep,
Never a river turbid and deep.

But God hath promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

*********************************************

Sukkot Joy

Feast of Tabernacles 2007 was partly joyful. Pat helped me build our “suggest-a-sukkah” which consists of a few oak branches forming the foundation of a sukkah at my “prayer closet in the woods” where other Sukkot celebrations have been held in the past with family and friends. Interest has waned over the years as the grandchildren got older and no one we know locally embraced the Messianic/Torah perspective.

I sang this silly “Sukkot Song” I made up....

We come a-rejoicing
Boughs of goodly trees we bring
We will dance and sing
Feast of Tabernacles
O hear the fire crackle.

I am feasting all alone
In my woods, at my home
Wishing for some other friends
To be feasting with me
.................................

[After a settled squabble...]

I’m not feasting all alone
In my woods, at my home
“Bring a chair, Take II” I said
Pat says he is coming
Well now my heart is humming.


After the brief squabble in which the RV was parked out front for sale, Pat and I took it to Potato Creek State Park for part of three days. It was enjoyable. We rode bikes. Pat fished with our grandson, Dakota. I hiked a beautiful trail. We read Scripture. We met a nice man and had a pleasant conversation. How wonderful it would be if the campground were filled with like-minded believers next year, with special speakers at the “Campground Circle” and lots of kosher fun, kosher food, and the laughter of children. I can only hope.

Sukkot Sorrow

Well, it did not happen. Tabernacles 2007 has ended....and a certain gentle, polite, godly young wordsmith did not push his somewhat eccentric yet faithful friend on the swing in the woods while talking of Torah. That man did not manifest as hoped. Delightful children did not dot my campground with laughter and song. Twin spirits did not collaborate and become partners in rhyme. Stimulating conversations and theological discussions among like-minded friends did not transpire.

Maybe next year...LORD willing.